I am a dedicated psychologist and psychotherapist. I have been founder director of CIRPE - Center for Improving Relationship and Personal Effectiveness, Puducherry, India. Our services include promoting psychological health and providing guidance and counseling for psychological problems.
Anger is an emotional response to frustration that often leads destructive actions directed against others or even self. Here are some key point worth to learn and remember.
Truth about anger
Anger is a common emotion.
Anger needs to be expressed in a healthy way
Expression of anger is learned behavior
Appropriate ways of expressing anger can also be learned.
When anger is displayed frequently and aggressively, it can become a maladaptive habit.
You can break the anger habit by becoming aware of the events and circumstances that trigger your anger and the negative consequences that result from it.
anger takes many forms.
most people deny they are angry.
Some displace their anger to other people or causes.
Coping strategies are specific efforts, both behavioral and psychological, that people employ to master, tolerate, reduce, or minimize stressful life events.
“Whatever is flexible and flowing will tend to grow whatever is rigid and blocked will wither and die”
We
have no control over some of our life events. They are probably going to
happen whether we like it or not.
Coping
is made up of the responses (thoughts, feelings and actions) that an
individual uses to deal with problematic situations that are encountered
in everyday life and in particular circumstances.
Coping
has two major functions; dealing with the problem that is causing the distress
and regulating our own emotion.
Coping
may not be capable of terminating the stress, but often mange it which
includes tolerating or accepting the stress and distress.
Personality,
situational demand and socio cultural factors can influence your coping
strategies.
No
single method is effective; a combination of approaches is generally most
effective.
What
works for one person does not necessarily work for someone else.
Problems
may arises from collective sources thus effective coping require collective
action.
Many
of our response to stress is involuntary for example intrusive thoughts.
Many of our responses are an automatic for example withdrawal from others.
Daily
hassles were more important factor in negative health outcomes than major
life events.
Many
people believe that certain emotional responses to stress such as anger
are innate and unchangeable, but the fact is we can change our emotional
reactions.
Coping
process are conscious, intentional, learned and associated with normal
adjustment.
There
may be no universally good or bad coping processes though some might be
better or worse than others.
Coping
choice may be less important than how well you execute that choice.
Coping
strategies may have multiple functions and their meaning and efficacy may
change according to circumstances.
Coping
is related to physical and mental health.
Coping
strategies may not directly affect physiology but indirectly affect health
related behaviour.
Coping
effectiveness depends on the individuals, their problem and with their
emotions.
Many
chronic stressors are not readily noticed, yet often require special
coping efforts.
Younger
children have fewer resources to cope than older adults do.
Coping
with traumatic events may last for a longer time than coping with everyday
problems.
Some
of the productive coping strategies are Seeking Social Support, Focus on
Solving the Problem, Physical Recreation, Seek Relaxing Diversion,
Investing in Close Friends, Seek to Belong, Work Hard and Achieve, Focus
on the Positive.
Some
of the non-productive Coping strategies are Worry, Wishful Thinking, and
Not Cope, Ignore the Problem, Tension Reduction, Keep to Self, Self-blame.
Coping
skills help us to appraise our situation more realistically, utilize
resources more effectively and thus we can get better outcome from our
coping strategies.
The
first prerequisite for conscious development of coping skills is
self-awareness, the second is motivation to change and the third
prerequisite consists of the skills necessary to achieve the desired.
Acquisition
of coping skills can be enhanced through educational or therapeutic
intervention. Teaching coping
skills to children and adolescents presents a potentially significant
method of preventing and/or modifying dysfunctional or maladaptive behaviors.
Coping
is not simply solving or managing problems, it is a means for human
development and transformation.
Certain behaviours are normal part of transition from childhood to adulthood
Parental and societal views of adolescents are mostly negative. Parents should understand adolescents are becoming adult, certain behaviour are normal part of their development. And also parents should know what should and should not do for their healthy development.
Research has shown that parenting is associated with a wide array of developmental outcomes in adolescence, including academic achievement, risk behaviors such as substance use and delinquency, and psychological adjustment.
Normal adolescent behaviour
Wants to be more independent
Rebellious attitude
Needing more sleep
Mood Swings
Aggression
Lying Or Hiding Facts
Arguing
Changing one’s Appearance
Worrying about physical appearance
Refuses to do chores
Decreased Communication
Indecisiveness
Attract towards opposite sex
Parents should not punish or treat harshly for the above behaviours, these are sign of your child becoming an adult. Understand and accept them.
The most important things that parents can do in this stage are:
Learning about typical child development
Learning the importance of positive, non-disciplinary interactions with children and behavior
Responding sensitively to child’s emotional and psychological needs
Giving clear and developmentally appropriate directions, setting limits and rules
Promoting a child’s learning and intellectual development through encouragement, cognitive simulation and social opportunities.
Provide a sufficiently stable family environment to enable a child to develop and maintain secure attachment to the parents.
Monitoring the child’s activities
Nurturing the child’s independence
Parents should help them to achieve their Developmental tasks
Develop mature relations with age-mates of both sexes.
Achieving a masculine or feminine social role.
Accepting one’s physique.
Becoming independent from the parents.
Preparing for career.
Preparing for marriage and family
Acquiring a set of values and an ethical system as a guideto behavior
Desiring and achieving socially responsible behavior.
Understand Their Emotional needs: ensuring that a child’s emotional needs are met
To be loved
To feel they belong to a family
To be heard and understood
To be accepted as they are
To have choices and independence
To be allowed to play
Parenting style and its outcome
Authoritative parents – are both responsive and demanding. warm, consistent and listen openly to their children.
Adolescents with Authoritative parents score highest on measures of social competence, high on measures of self-confidence, and are least likely to engage in antisocial behaviors such as delinquency and drug use. They also show higher levels of self-reliance and self-esteem and report less depression and anxiety.
2. Permissive parents – are not demanding, inconsistent little control over their children.
Adolescents with Permissive parents tend to score high on measures of self-confidence, and report a high frequency of both drug abuse and misconduct in school.
3. Neglectful parents – are neither responding and demanding, little control over their children. They let their children do whatever they choose.
Adolescents of Neglectful parents have the least positive developmental outcomes. Ignored or rejected by parents, these children have higher aggression levels in early childhood, and their behavioral problems continue to worsen in adolescence, when they often display hostility, selfishness, and rebellious attitudes. They tend to lack long-range goals and are more likely to engage in antisocial and delinquent behaviors such as alcohol and drug abuse, sexual misconduct, and truancy. Adolescents with disengaged parents tend to have low academic grades and test scores.
Establish Effective rule for them
while setting rule have this points in your mind
Having too many rules prevent children from learning should be reasonable clear consistent stated positively get opinion from children
Parents should monitor behaviour such as
Sex, Alcohol, smoking, And Drugs
Increased Use Of Communication Devices And Social Media
Violence
May engage in risky behaviors
Physical or mental illness
self-harm / suicide
Get professional help as early as possible.
Critical Practices of parents, should avoid
Inappropriate expectations.
Parental lack of empathy in meeting the needs of their children.
Strong belief in the use of corporal punishment.
Oppressing children’s power and independence.
Most parents reach their middle age just when adolescents reach their puberty. This particular combination of developmental stage bring tensions for parents with their children. If the parents are prepared with relevant knowledge and skills most of the problems of adolescents are prevented and solved, even facilitate healthy development of their children.
